where is the love...

i'm coming off one of the most difficult weekends of my life. a truth that i knew but obviously didn't want to see it for what it was got a bright light shone on it. no way to sweep this revelation under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. no way to be able to talk myself out of the circumstance. no way to justify or defend someone's actions and behavior. the situation is what it is, and there's no turning back. no way to ever go back to what it once was or what i had hoped it could be.

i think one of the most painful things for a person to go through is to see a person's greatness and to believe in them and want them in your life only to realize the absolute truth of who they are, which is less than what you know you deserve and what you ultimately want for yourself. the quote "the minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for" rings so true for me in this situation. i settled...and boy did i ask for the rudest, most embarrassing, most humiliating, lowest situation i wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. in what seemed like a flash...the dream, the image, the vision, the belief, the deference...gone.

to make matters worse, you know you can never be a part of their life again. because doing so is in essence condoning their behavior and openly welcoming more of the same. this person has now put you in the position to be the stronger one, because you have to decide for yourself what's acceptable and what's not...not just from them, but going forward in all of your relationships. and yes we all strive to be strong, but sometimes it's nice to feel vulnerable and surrender to another person. clearly, there's a thin line here that i need to explore and define for myself. in processing all of this, i came across this article from "the daily love," a site started by a guy named mastin kipp who is wise beyond his years. i thought he brought an interesting perspective.

http://thedailylove.com/bring-the-love/ 

one thing i know for sure is that none of us are victims. we each play a part in the circumstances/story of our lives. reflecting upon this particular relationship has made me question how i got here, what am i withholding from myself that i wanted so badly for this person to give me, what am i supposed to learn from this. am i full enough of the love that i so desperately want, am i bringing enough love to others in my relationships?