quote unquote

we cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

- brené brown

a seeing eye

as we prepare to spend the holidays with our loved ones, let us not turn a blind eye to those who were affected by the recent tragedies of the sandy hook school murders and the colorado shootings. i'm not sure what is going on in our world these days, but i do know we need an outpouring of love and compassion at every turn. there's a quote by plato that you've probably heard or read a million times.

be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.

more than ever, this quote rings true to me. for someone to have the capacity to inflict senseless harm on another human life is a cry for help, an admittance of strife, a feeling of being lost and hopeless. as this year winds down to a close, hug your family, kiss your friends, and give a warm touch of affection to someone you come across. you never know how much it might mean to them.

we are all connected.

"never forget."

this day
11 years ago
innocent men and women
left their homes
going about their usual routine
(some were not)
to experience one of the greatest tragedies
this country and the world has ever seen
11 years ago
the devastation and disbelief
still ripe in our hearts, minds and lives
forever cementing that we
"never forget."

art as therapy

i want to feel the love before i die, so i'm getting rid of the anger here first.

- wendy sax, screenwriter & fellow s.g.

where is the love...

i'm coming off one of the most difficult weekends of my life. a truth that i knew but obviously didn't want to see it for what it was got a bright light shone on it. no way to sweep this revelation under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. no way to be able to talk myself out of the circumstance. no way to justify or defend someone's actions and behavior. the situation is what it is, and there's no turning back. no way to ever go back to what it once was or what i had hoped it could be.

i think one of the most painful things for a person to go through is to see a person's greatness and to believe in them and want them in your life only to realize the absolute truth of who they are, which is less than what you know you deserve and what you ultimately want for yourself. the quote "the minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for" rings so true for me in this situation. i settled...and boy did i ask for the rudest, most embarrassing, most humiliating, lowest situation i wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. in what seemed like a flash...the dream, the image, the vision, the belief, the deference...gone.

to make matters worse, you know you can never be a part of their life again. because doing so is in essence condoning their behavior and openly welcoming more of the same. this person has now put you in the position to be the stronger one, because you have to decide for yourself what's acceptable and what's not...not just from them, but going forward in all of your relationships. and yes we all strive to be strong, but sometimes it's nice to feel vulnerable and surrender to another person. clearly, there's a thin line here that i need to explore and define for myself. in processing all of this, i came across this article from "the daily love," a site started by a guy named mastin kipp who is wise beyond his years. i thought he brought an interesting perspective.

http://thedailylove.com/bring-the-love/ 

one thing i know for sure is that none of us are victims. we each play a part in the circumstances/story of our lives. reflecting upon this particular relationship has made me question how i got here, what am i withholding from myself that i wanted so badly for this person to give me, what am i supposed to learn from this. am i full enough of the love that i so desperately want, am i bringing enough love to others in my relationships?

my life in love

always crazy, always unbelievable, always tempestuous

always passionate, but never quite real as evidenced by the hollywood movie ending. juicy but devoid of substance. magical yet destructive. dreamy but ultimately painful.

a vicious cycle of unhealthy decisions, un-rooted expectations and turning point revelations and realities staring me right in the face. all along, these things were what they were, i just chose to see otherwise.

and in the end, i’m left with one thing....myself

and the hope that one day i will love me enough to expect only that which i deserve.